wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
