I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
