I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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