Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
accomplished twins. life is a go
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
