it's like iHOP with fire
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
