good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
