I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
