Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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