yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize