i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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