i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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