The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As shirtless as possible
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
