Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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