hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize