I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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