My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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