i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
