My hand turned me down
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
