Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
