I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
