i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
