I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
