How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
