Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
