I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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