??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
