I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
