Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
