I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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