Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

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(607): View more from New York

Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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(402): View more from Nebraska

They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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(509): View more from Washington

I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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(301): View more from Maryland

and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

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(818): View more from California

Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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(630): View more from Illinois

I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...

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(907): View more from Alaska

Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?

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