considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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