What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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