On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
