she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
tell me about the eggs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
