Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
