so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
