Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
