I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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