apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
