six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just invented taco cereal.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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