i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
