somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
