You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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