smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
