dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
