My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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