the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
