U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
never play flip cup with pint glasses
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
