I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
