found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
