Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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