wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
