hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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