After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
