Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
