Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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