Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
