im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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