I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
MIDGETS
????
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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