He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
