Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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