Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
