update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
