I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
