girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
