NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
