Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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