Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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