I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize