He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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