hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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