omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
