This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
