I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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