first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
