I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
