Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
