we're blogging at a bar
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
