Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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