went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
