Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
