It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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