Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
