im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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