You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
