Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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