i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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