Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
