how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
