I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
