On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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