have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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