he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I skipped work to stalk him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
