i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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