I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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