i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
