hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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