I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
