A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
