Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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