I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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