Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
