i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
