As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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