Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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