they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
