hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
