6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
