these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
