If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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