At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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