You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
