we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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