You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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