The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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