Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Congratulations! We have a period
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
