Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
