I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
