i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize