just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
